I Love Lars

This blog post isn't really about Hungary or Budapest.  But it is about life.

Last night we invited the students to our apartment for a movie night.  Though Budapest has plenty of wonderful places for them to explore every time they step out of their dorm, we like to offer them a chance to be in a home for a while.  We brought a couple of our favorite movies with us from home and decided to watch Lars and the Real Girl.  Jeff popped up some of his world-famous popcorn (okay, maybe not world-famous; but I repeat my assertion that it was worth marrying him if all I got out of it was the popcorn...), and we snuggled in to watch the movie.  Really snuggled.  When you put approximately 20 people in this small apartment, space is at a premium.

As we watched Lars, I remembered why I love this movie so much.  I am guessing that many of you who read this will already know this movie.  But just in case, for those who don't know it, here is the summary.  Lars is a twenty-something young man who has already experienced that life and people are fragile.  Fearful of that fragility, but needing the contact that we all do, Lars invents the adult equivalent of an imaginary friend - he orders a sex doll from the internet.  If you've seen the movie, you know that Lars is a true gentleman and that, though odd, his relationship with Bianca is filling a psychological and spiritual need, not a sexual one.  If you've not seen the movie, then you probably feel about Lars and his relationship with the "real girl" the same way his family, friends and community do. "He what?" "That's weird." "What's the matter with him?" "I can't go along with this!" As the movie progresses, his community learns with the help of some very wise people to show Lars that he is loved and accepted just the way he is by accepting his relationship with Bianca.

So, why do I love this movie? Because of three scenes.  (At least.  But I'll limit myself to three.)

Scene 1
Gus, Lars' older brother, is very embarassed by Lars' behavior. Their mother died when Lars was just a baby, they were raised by their broken-hearted and distant father, and Gus, as the older brother, has always felt responsible for Lars.  Gus feels like Lars' break with reality doesn't really reflect well on him, but he resists the (self-imposed) idea that it might be his fault.  Until he can't resist it anymore, and confesses to his wife:

I left home as fast as I could. You know? I never thought about him. And then the two of us move back here all fat and happy, and he moves into the goddamn garage like the family dog. You know? And I let him. No wonder he goes and orders a fiancee in a box.

His wife calls him over and embraces him, because what is there to say?

Scene 2
Lars asks Gus how you know when you are a man.  Gus is uncomfortable talking about much with Lars, and he tries to get out of answering this, but when Lars presses him, he comes up with this beauty:

It's not like you're all one thing or the other, okay? There's still a kid inside, but you, you, you grow up when you decide to do right, okay?  And not what's right for you, what's right for everybody, even when it hurts...Like, you don't jerk people around.  And, and, and you don't cheat on your woman, and you take care of your family, and you admit when you're wrong, or you try to, anyways.  That's all I can think of, you know? It sounds like it's easy, and for some reason it's not...
It's like the old man.  He didn't have to take care of two kids alone. He could have given us to an orphanage or something. People do that. But he loved us, and he tried to do right even though he didn't know how and even though he had a broken heart...I shouldn't have left you alone with him. He was too sad. It scared me, and I just...I ran. And that was selfish. And I'm sorry.

There are not many things in this world more beautiful than that scene.

Scene 3
Lars is feeling sorry for himself because Bianca is getting too busy as friends take Bianca places in an effort to help Lars understand how life with a "real girl" really works.  Lars lets loose some of his negativity on Karin, his sister-in-law, who knew even before Bianca showed up that Lars was struggling and has been reaching out to him consistently, trying to bring him back to the land of the living.

Lars: She's my girlfriend and I shouldn't have to check a schedule to see her!
Karin: Are you okay?
Lars: How would she feel if I just left her? If I just abandoned her like that?
Karin: Whoa, wait. She didn't abandon you. She'll be back.
Lars: How do I know that, huh? People do whatever they want. They don't care.
Karin: No, we all care. Lars, we do care.
Lars: No, you don't.
(And then Karin loses it.)
Karin: That is...That is just not true! God! Every person in this town bends over backwards to make Bianca feel at home. Why, why do you think she has so many places to go and so many things to do, huh? Huh? Because of you! Because all these people love you! We push her wheelchair. We drive her to work. We drive her home. We wash her. We dress her. We get her up, we put her to bed. We carry her. And she is not petite, Lars. Bianca is a big, big girl. None of this is easy for any of us, but we do it...we do it...aghh...we do it for you! So don't you dare tell me how we don't care!

And that is why I love Lars.  Because I am Lars.  I don't have an imaginary friend.  But I have other breaks with reality.  They're not as obvious as toting around a life-size doll, but they are just as burdensome to my husband, my children, my parents, my siblings, my friends, my co-workers, my faith family.  They put up with the burdens I insist they carry when I refuse to let go of my distorted view of reality.  They don't do it because it's easy. Sometimes it's embarrassing to them.  But they do it because they love me. There is no greater gift they could give me.

"Bear one another’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ." Galatians 6:2